Am I Letting This Hold Me Back?

After so much thinking, I decided to withdraw my study abroad application in October.  I entered college with the intention of going abroad.  I had been looking forward to it since I was in high school and started learning Spanish.  When I was 16 I traveled to Spain for nine of the most amazing days I had ever had.  Now, almost five years later, I am sitting here in New York while my friends are off having the time of their lives in Europe.  Within the past year and a half, I have had so many hospital visits and so many flare ups of my blood clots, that I knew I shouldn’t risk it.  I would not have been able to travel as much as I had originally planned to because I am not able to fly for long periods of times.  Although my Spanish is pretty good, I would be scared to not be able to communicate with a doctor if something were to happen to me.

I am so happy for my friends but at the same time I can’t help but be so jealous, and feel that it is unfair that I am not able to be there with them.

I also can’t help but think that maybe, maybe.. I am overreacting? Is it my anxiety that is tricking me into thinking my history with blood clots is worse than it actually is?

Did I make the right decision? Or was I overreacting and limiting myself?

Advertisements